A Wonderful and Joyful Week.

 Thursday was the day I dropped off 27 quilts to the Family Birth Center at one of the local hospitals. I also took in 4 quilts, which were more juvenile, to the chaplain.
Myles and I left the four quilts at the front desk, as the chaplain's office was closed. After we walked around the water feature and went up to the 8th floor to look out over the city and hospital campus, we decided to have dinner. That was really a lot of fun. Once we were done, Myles placed the tray on the conveyor belt. I started to walk away and noticed he was still standing there. I felt like we should stay put so he could do what he wanted: watch his tray continue on into the kitchen. And it was a good thing we did because as we walked back down the hall to the elevator I noticed a lady with the name tag "Mary Catherine", the chaplan. I introduced myself, and she said she had meant to return my call the previous day. She was so excited to see me because she had wanted to tell me this:

She usually only keeps about 12 blankets on hand. Usually baby ones because she is called when there is a child or baby in the ER. Last week she had used her very last blanket for a three month old in the ER who died of SIDS. She was wondering where she was now going to get more quilts. That is when I showed up with four for her. We talked about how there are no coincidences, how God answers prayers, and how good he is. It was such a sweet tender mercy.

Myles and I walked around the water feature again and then met Chantelle, my contact person. She was amazed and so appreciative. It was a wonderful, happy day!

I wanted to share this. It is what I posted on Facebook.

 Thank you all for the prayers and happy thoughts sent my way today. What an amazing experience to drop off the quilts. I have a testimony that there are no coincidences; that “God does watch over us and does notice us, but it is usually through someone else that he meets our needs"; that God is good
I also want to say a big thank you to my family who has supported me with Project Mother of an Angel Baby. They truly were selfless and gave up a lot of their time so that I could make quilts this summer. I am so blessed

 Myles had a hike today at Moulton Falls up the road with all the Cub Scouts in our ward. Aeva, Elsa, and Chris went with him. After the hike and lunch, they went to Cedar Creek Grist Mill.
 Mylse was so excited to bring me home flour so that I can make bread or cookies.

 

 Friday evening Chris and I took Rhaevyn and Aeva to the temple for baptisms.
What a sweet and wonderful experience that was.

 

 Thursday evening the girls had a lesson on cupcake decorating at their YW activity.They had a lot of fun and were sweet to share their bounty.

 Miss Elsa dressed up as Galinda from Wicked.

 Lastly, I wanted to share this. I know not everyone is on Facebook, but this is what I put on the actual page for Project Mother of an Angel Baby.

  As I stood at the edge of my precipice several months ago, my heart breaking into a million pieces, my Heavenly Father inspired me with an idea to help me on my journey as I picked up the pieces of my broken heart.
Out of my grief of having to say goodbye, in this life, to my sweet little one that I held so briefly, Project Mother of an Angel Baby was in a sense "born." Through this project God has shown me that focusing on others helps to lessen my sadness.
Although today was not the hospital visit that I had envisioned would take place this month when we found out last December that we would be welcoming another dear little one into our family, it was a sweet experience none the less.
I was prepared for a lot of tears today, but amazingly it was a day full of peace, happiness, and tender mercies.
Since announcing this project in April, my heart has been so full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father, my Savior Jesus Christ, and for all of those who have given assistance and encouragement. The support for this project has been shown in so many ways: sharing the project on Facebook, contributions of coupons, monetary funds and fabric, the donation of beautiful homemade quilts, help with tying, quilting, and binding quilts, as well as the making of the logo and cards for the quilts. Please know that all of this has been so very much appreciated. I have felt blessed and humbled to witness these kindnesses. Each act of support and kindness has been like a personal hug for me and has helped to ease my heartache.
Words do not seem adequate to express just how grateful and thankful I am for all the help and encouragement I have received for Project Mother of an Angel Baby.
My hope and prayer is for the continuing support as I move forward with this project with more quilt collections in the future.
Thank you and may God bless each of you.

Countdown

Four more days until the quilts get delivered.
Myles is going to go with me. He is on pins and needles. We are going to take a walk around the water feature and garden at the hopsital and probably get a little treat.
A friend let me borrow two bins. I am still expecting 8 more quilts and hope they will all fit in.


 My last quilt is complete. The sweet sister that was doing the binding for me fnished it and dropped it off the other day. This week I will pick up the queen size quilt, as the binding for that is done.

 You can kind of make out the stitching on it.

 

This past week I worked on making sure there were no stray threads on each quilt. I also folded the quilts and wrapped a ribbon around each and attached the project tag. I can hardly believe the date is finally here.

 

Book shopping is about done for school, and I've been getting history lessons put together for the girls as well as science lessons for Aeva.

Binders have been put together,  and now we are just waiting for the final delivery of books.

Last Sunday Chris painted Elsa's finger and toe nails while he was talking to his dad. She was thrilled that he would do that for her.

 

We had some cooler weather, but I think it is heating back up. There has been a lot of smoke in the air, so we've been camping out indoors.

Fall is one of my favorite times of the year with new school books, changing colors, and cooler weather. Summer has been nice, but I'm looking forward to the cooler weather, the clean slate of a new school year, and new memories to be made.

Finishing Up

I finished up the last of my quilts for this round. It feels good to be done for a little while.

 

 

 

 

 

 The cards that will be attached to each quilt were dropped off yesterday. They look so nice. They have a stitched zig-zag around the edges. I have truly been blessed by so many wonderful people supporting this project.
 

 

I wanted to empty out my material bin, as it was getting pretty full. I decided that if I made some baby blankets that would help to empty it out a bit. I will take them in when I drop off the quilts.

Aeva decided that she wanted to make a pencil carrier. She had a lot of fun making one just out of my scrap material. I think she did a pretty good job for a beginner.

I just love when Meg gives Myles loves. He is definitely her champion. He is the one that takes her out on the trampoline the most because he knows how much she loves it.

This week, I think, is going to be somewhat of a quiet one. I'm looking forward to it. I'm excited for Tuesday, though, because it is time to get school books :)

With the Utmost of Love....Something I Want to Share

What I Wish More People Understood About Me Losing My Baby

 

I'm learning a lot on my journey. I thought I'd share some things that I have learned and that I wish  more people understood about losing a baby before they are full term. I know not everyone is me, but maybe this will help someone support another grieving parent on a sacred journey they never wanted or expected to take.

 Sometimes I feel guilty about my grief over the loss of my little one. I tell myself I'm not the only one to have ever gone through this. Society tells me I should not feel grief for long because this child never lived outside of my body. I know that life cannot stop because of my grief. I also know I want to be happy for others even when the sadness comes bubbling up.

The following are my thoughts and feelings with some quotes from Paula Stevens, who I felt had similar feelings about her grieving processes.

 First, It has been really hard to have a group of friends who have due dates around mine.  I am excited for them, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. One thing that has meant the world is having others who are pregnant grieve with me; Women who let my tears fall and validate my grief and realize that it isn't that I am not happy for them, or that I don't understand the aches and pains that come with being pregnant, but I am sad that I am no longer in the same place they are. They were not offended when I said, "it's hard and my heart hurts".

 And on that note, this is what I would love for you to know.....

Please:

1. Remember my Baby.
The loss of my pregnancy has been a heart wrenching experience  and it is a degree of suffering that is impossible to grasp without experiencing it first hand. Often, when we know someone else is experiencing grief it becomes the elephant in the room.  However, I want the world to remember my baby, even though my baby was not carried to full term.
My sweet baby's short life  of 12 1/2 weeks gestation mattered. Don't be afraid to acknowledge my little one. I am the mother of six children......................five here on earth and one beyond the veil.


2. Accept that you can't "fix" me.
The unexpected loss of my pregnancy is something that really cannot be fixed by anyone other than my Savior, and it is not done overnight! I am learning to pick up the pieces and move forward, but my life will never be the same.
          "Every grieving parent must find a way to continue to live with loss. We appreciate your support and hope you can be patient with us as we find our way. Please: don't tell us it's time to get back to life, that's it's been long enough, or that time heals all wounds. We welcome your support and love, and we know sometimes it is hard to watch.....Our heartache is something to observe, recognize and accept."
Please don't try to mask over my grief, or change the subject, or tell me how happy I sound. (see #4)
Please tell me how sorry you are and/or that I am in your prayers. Those are the most comforting words. Nothing else needs to be said. I know others want to see me smile or take the pain away, but most other things said may seem helpful to you, but usually end up causing more pain.
 
3. Understand that at first there are two days each month that are hard, as well as two to three days a year that are "an anniversary."
I  still get emotional on the 25th and 2nd of each month. Those days of each month are a marker of how long it's been since the day that I found out there was no heartbeat, and the day our sweet one was actually delivered. At times this seems like a lonely journey because no one else remembers those days. Once August passes, which would have been my due date, I'm sure February 25th and March 2nd will be days that will be hard each year, and maybe August will always be a hard month. As what was to be the due date approaches, my heart aches to celebrate what was to be our baby's arrival into this world, and I am acutely aware and sensitive of the hole in my heart and the ache in my arms.

"Then there's the anniversary of the date our child became an angel. This is a remarkable process similar to a parent of a newborn, first counting the days, then months, then the one year anniversary, marking the time on the other side of that crevasse in our lives"


4. Realize that sometimes there usually isn't a week, or sometimes a day, that doesn't go by when I don't cry. 
     " As bereaved parents, we are constantly balancing holding grief in one hand and a happy life after loss in the other."
Sometimes it is just a wave that washes over me while I am doing the dishes, or when I watch the kids together and wonder what that little one would be like and how the older kids would be loving on our sweet one.

Finally, To echo the previous sentence

5. Accept that my loss might make you uncomfortable.
The loss of my sweet baby, who I long for, love, planned and dreamed for, turned my world upside down.  I try not to show my grief in front of others, but if you ever observe it please don't minimize it, don't walk away, don't change the subject.  You may not know what to say or do, you may worry about saying the wrong thing, and you're afraid you might make me emotional. I may cry.  It may be uncomfortable but " — witness it with me and be part of my process."
     "We've learned all of this as part of what we're learning about grief. I will never forget my baby. And in fact, my loss is always right under the surface of other emotions, even happiness. I would rather lose it because you spoke about my baby, than try and shield myself from the pain and live in denial. Grief is the pendulum swing of love. The stronger and deeper the love the more grief will be created on the other side. Consider it a sacred opportunity to stand shoulder to shoulder with someone who has endured one of life's heartbreaking events."

6. Keep me in your prayers. 
As much as I know, and tell myself often,  that my Savior is walking this journey with me, that my Heavenly Father has a plan, and that through my Savior's atonement my heart can be mended and made whole, it still hurts, my arms still long to hold my sweet baby, and tears still fall. Pray that happiness will prevail on those hard days and that I will humbly endure this journey until "Sunday comes."

Quidditch and Quilts and an Outing

Today I sent out my last update on Facebook before I hand the quilts over to the hospital.
This has really been an amazing and bittersweet journey on so many levels.
 This week I finished up three of my own quilts this week plus Rhaevyn's.

Yay! This one is finally done. I think this is Christopher's favorite.

I wish pictures did these quilts justice.............you can't see the stippling pattern on these.

I think this is my favorite because I love the pattern of the material with the little children.

I think Rhaevyn's turned out so nice. She picked out the back and I picked out the binding. It looks whiter in the picture than it really is. It looks like it has little sprigs of baby's breath on the material.

Wednesday I set the big quilt up on the quilt frame. My friend Caressa came and we got the big one tied really fast, which was a good thing. I had several sisters say they were going to come, but only two others ended up coming later. As you can see the quilt took up the entire living room.

It is such a beautiful quilt. I am sure some mom is going to love it.

Rhaevyn's friend, Tanner, and his mom came and helped tie her quilt that evening.

A sweet friend from church is doing binding for me on one of my quilts. The big donated quilt is having the binding done by another sister from the ward. I am glad because I was not sure about tackling it.
I received a call from a sister in another Stake here in Vancouver who saw my project on Just Serve. It's the first call I've gotten from that site. I don't even know her, but we seemed to connect right away over the phone. I love the people I am meeting that I otherwise would not.
This is the bittersweet part. Sweet because I love the many acts of love and kindness I get to witness and the wonderful, loving, and humble people that I meet, and bitter because I will not be bringing home a bouncing healthy baby this month.
I think I have discovered a new love and perhaps a talent in quilting. I have loved going over to my sweet friend's house to use her quilting machine. She keeps saying I'm such a fast learner with the stippling. I told her it's because I have such a wonderful teacher who is so encouraging. She left me alone to do one quilt all by myself the other night. I was panicking, but she said she didn't own anything her husband couldn't fix, so not to worry. I'm happy to say I survived and so did the machine. I was able to unroll, tighten the tension, and even change the bobbin all by myself. Obviously my many little prayers during that time were answered :) I have two more to quilt before she leaves for a month, and then I'm taking a vacation from quilts for a bit, as I've got to get school in order.


I took the kids on an outing. They have been so good and helpful letting me get these quilts done. I know it has not been easy for them. Aeva says she likes it when I make quilts because she knows it helps make me happy, but she also doesn't like it because I cannot multitask while I do it. I get easily flustered if I have five children who need something while I'm sewing. She is very observant.
We went to a new park with a water feature in a little town up the road. We had a nice drive on the country roads, and then we went out to frozen yogurt. It was fun making some memories.

The kids liked standing under these buckets.

 

 

 

 

 
 

 
 

I always love seeing what funny pictures the kids have taken with the camera. This was their latest.
I was getting a good giggle from these. Quidditch anyone?

 

 

 

 

 

I took some pictures of Meg and Elsa. I have pictures in my room of each of the kids individually, and then I have pictures of Rhaevyn and Aeva together and Myles and Elsa together. I thought Meg needed a picture with a buddy. Here are pictures of the older girls and the little girls.
 

 

Rhaevyn was so sweet to do dinner last night while I finished up the last of my four quilts for the week. She made some type of Greek Lemon chicken using a recipe, but also tweaking it a bit. Let me just say  it was positively delicious! We were sad that there wasn't more of it. Chris showed her how to grill it when he got home. At 8:00 last night she had Chris take her up the street to pick blackberries, and she made a yummy cobbler. It was a nice way to finish off the evening :)

I can't believe how August seems to be slipping away...............it's going way to fast!