Therapy

Where to begin................................

I'm kind of a private person.
I like to deal with my problems quietly for the most part.
I'm kind of a "buck up and do the job you signed up for without whining or expecting pats on the back" kind of person.
I'm not into posting my life woes or frustrations on facebook.
I'm really trying to be a "Come what may and love it!" kind of gal.
If I really need to vent or am having a bad day I take it to my Heavenly Father, or my #1 best friend (Chris), or my other really good friend.
But every once in a while I have those life changing events that throw me for a loop, and I use this blog for my thereapy. Like when I had my cancer surgery on my nose.
Well, I've had another "throw me for a loop, my world has turned upside down" kind of event, and I feel like I need to post about it to help me get through it.

I have to start way back in December...............

Christmas Eve was the best this year!

We got one of these........................

and got this result..........................

We told the kids that night. They have been talking for months on end, practically since we had Meg, of wanting another baby in our family. And, well, Chris and I love the kids we've been blessed with so much, we decided to leave it in God's hands. If it was meant to be we'd be sent another baby to love.
For a couple of months Rhaevyn had been saying that she just knew that was going to be their Christmas present. That we'd be telling them we were going to have another baby.
We were so thrilled to tell them Christmas Eve that their wish was coming true. I think we were all on cloud 9 this past Christmas.

At 9 1/2 weeks we had our first appointment at the clinic. The baby's heartbeat was good and strong, and we had our dating ultrasound. I marked August 29th on the calendar.
We thought we'd wait and tell everyone else in roughly 9 more weeks when we found out what we were going to have. I had the perfect picture in my head of how I wanted to share our wonderful news.

Our little jelly bean was jumping and moving all over the place :)

Flash forward to 13 1/2 weeks along, which was Wednesday. It started out like any other day. I got up and got everyone going, picked the girls up from seminary, got everyone fed, and headed out the door for my appointment. However, our day didn't end up the way we thought it would. After multiple tries with the Fetal Heart Doppler and a portable ultrasound machine no heartbeat could be detected. I called the girls to get a hold of Chris. He left work (thank goodness he was only about 5 minutes away), and later that afternoon we had a more in depth ultrasound. Our little one had passed away.
I kept hoping for some miracle to take place between my morning appointment and the afternoon ultrasound, but our sweet little one was so lifeless...............all curled up with arms crossed and knees pulled in and still no heartbeat.

I think I feel like our world just stopped and all our plans that we had talked about that included this little baby just collapsed around us. (The names we tentatively picked out, the pajama set I bought, etc., etc.)

I didn't know I could have this much heartache or even cry this much. It seems like it will never end.
I know it will, eventually. I know at some point, one day, it won't be as painful, and I won't cry every few minutes. Maybe I'll go for days or months without breaking down. Oh, but right now it seems like it will never end.

I think it was hardest to tell the kids. They've been so good though. They are each grieving in their own way. They've given me lots of hugs and just let me cry while we hug. Myles and Elsa have made me cute little cards. And Chris has been my rock.

So, the happy news we looked so forward to telling everyone, has now turned into sad news.
I'm trying to find the small miracles in each day. I'm thankful for my beliefs...........that I know this little baby will always be ours even though we won't have the opportunity to raise our little cherub here on earth.

A Refurbish

A week in review:

Christopher's department at work purchased a 3D printer. He's been doing lots of reading on these printers, as well as lots of experimenting. This is one of his latest experiments. A weeping angel from Dr. Who. He made if for a coworker.

Just some pictures of Meg in her new pajamas and outfit.

Myles is better from last week, but yesterday Elsa came down with what he had. Luckily it's a sore throat and temp that lasts only about 24 hours. Hoping no one else gets it. We've been extra crazy about sanitizing everything, as well as hands.

I've been really wanting a bed I could put under the window. I love my bed, but it only works in one spot, and after 18 years I'm tired of the one spot. We looked at a bed at Ikea, but I decided that I'd rather use what we have and save money.
        "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without."
That's one of my favorite quotes. So, Chris and I discussed what it would take to make our current bed fit under the window. He surprised me this morning by taking it apart, measuring it, and taking it over to a sweet gentleman (the one who helped with our benches)  in our ward to work on it. The first part went fast. Chris said the hard part was carving out, by hand, the part to hook the side rails into.
I love it!! I think it opens up the room, and there is more space. The kids and I laid across the mattress this afternoon and enjoyed the warm sunshine coming in and a slight breeze. It was heavenly just enjoying that and having time with my chickadees.

 

 

Miss Meg with her bright pink bandage.

She had to get some blood work done this week, and she didn't cry at all. They had to wrap her arm up though because she ripped off the band-aid, and she as bleeding everywhere.

Early Monday morning I heard a frantic knock at the door. I was still in my pj's and just finishing up breakfast. I hesitated to open the door and asked Myles to do a window check. It was our next door neighbor's daughter. I opened it, and she was practically in tears. She had locked herself out the house and her car and had to be to work in 15 minutes. Her mom was not home. So, I grabbed my purse, slipped on my shoes, and dashed out of the house with bed head and pj's to drive her to work.
She was so sweet to bring me these flowers and a card later that evening. She just was so grateful.  I think I'm the one who benefited most from this experience.

Rhaevyn completed her order for three dozen cinnamon rolls on Thursday. I'm so thankful for the opportunity she gets to earn some money by doing something she loves.....baking.
And that's a wrap :)

Valentine's Day

 I had bigger plans for celebrating Valentine's Day with the children, but those plans just didn't come to fruition. Maybe next year. I did make them a special breakfast.................
heart shaped pancakes and butter, strawberries, bacon, and strawberry smoothie.

 

 

 Meg sure enjoyed her Valentine's breakfast.

 

 

Then on our Valentine's Date, Chris and I got them each a piece of See's Candy of their favorite flavor.
Chris and I had a nice date. We picked up a can of paint and had a nice lunch in town. It was fun to just sit and laugh, talk and contemplate just how blessed we have been over the years (among other topics).
Poor Myles is the only one that did not enjoy his Valentine's Day. He's got a sore throat with a slight fever, but he's been a good sport.

I loved this moment this week when Elsa was helping to get Meg dressed. I feel so blessed that I get to witness sweet moments like this each week.

Meg....................
has discovered crayons and pencils and pens. She loves to color.
She also loves to help empty the dishes. It's so cute, but sometimes not as helpful as we'd like because she goes for the knives first. Hence this picture with her coloring while we empty the dishwasher :)

Myles made this creation of a Dalek from Dr. Who. I thought it was pretty creative. I love what he comes up with when building with his Legos. He likes me to sit and build with him, but I think my creations seem to pale in comparison. Love the imagination kids have.

Rhaevyn has an order this week for three dozen cinnamon rolls. Last week she made little apple turnovers. They were so good. I am glad Chris took most of them to work. I could have sat and eaten more than one.

I can hardly believe that March is eeking ever closer. Oh that time would stand still..................

Chris and Myles Make a Cake

Last week was the Cub Scout Blue and Gold Celebration. Dads and sons were supposed to make a cake together and the theme was "Western."
We had a lot of grandiose ideas, but realized that we needed to be realistic with the time it might take, tools on hand, and talent. Myles settled on making a blooming cactus cake.
Rhaevyn baked the cakes, Chris shaped it, and then Myles and Chris did the decorating.
I guess there was another cake just like it at the banquet. Chris said it looked straight off of Pinterest, while Myles and Chris's looked a bit sad. Rhaevyn, trying to show the positive, said that Myles's cactus cake was eaten. The other one was not touched. If I had to guess, the mom who makes and decorates cakes, made and decorated the whole thing. What fun is that?

Here are some new drawings of Aeva's.

 She drew this one for a friend.

Photos of Meg.

There is a video that goes with this picture. Aeva and Rhaevyn were playing "Narnia" with Meg and having her get into the linen closet. They'd close the doors, and then she'd pop out, and they'd say "It's a Meg!"

 She likes to wear my shower cap.

 Love her smile!

 She came out of the girls' room with a sticky note stuck to her bum. We laughed so hard. It looked like she had a little pink tail.

 She loves to shake the school supply cart. The other day she climbed it, but got stuck and was pretty upset. She is definitely not a climber like Myles or Elsa.